Schools should teach pupils to “lose graciously” because too many children are growing up with an inhibiting fear of rejection, leading headmasters warned today.
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| Children should be taught to lose because 'coming second' is a valuable life skill, according to the Independent Association of Prep Schools. |
Children should learn basic etiquette before and after sporting fixtures – such as shaking hands and cheering on the opposition – to soften blow of coming second, it was claimed.
Eddy Newton, chairman of the Independent Association of Prep Schools, said the best schools promoted success and competition but also encouraged the “life lessons of coping with defeat or a lack of success”.
Eddy Newton, chairman of the Independent Association of Prep Schools, said the best schools promoted success and competition but also encouraged the “life lessons of coping with defeat or a lack of success”.
It was claimed that too many children “weep and wail” when they lose or even refuse to put in the effort for fear of falling behind their peers.
But Mr Newton said that "learning to lose" was vital to help prepare young people for adult life when they inevitably fail to get a job or go through periods when they struggle in the workplace.
The comments were made after a number of leading private schools started introducing measures to encourage their high-achieving students to accept defeat.
Oxford High School for Girls recently introduced a maths test where it was impossible to get 100 per cent to prevent students becoming obsessed with “perfection”, while Wimbledon High School ran a "failure week" to teach pupils to build resilience.
Mr Newton, head of Chafyn Grove Prep School, Salisbury, insisted there was “no shame in coming second”.
Speaking at the association’s annual conference in central London, he said: “Some children are very competitive and they struggle with the idea that they haven’t won.
“You will have some children who weep and wail very occasionally and gradually learn that it’s just part of the way life should be.”
He added: “We try to explain to our children that it’s how well they play the game, the effort they put it, the attitude towards wanting to win.
“It would be strange to start a sporting fixture trying not to win, but accepting defeat graciously is an important aspect for all prep school heads to engender in their schools.
“You show them the etiquette of cheering the other side, shaking hands and saying, ‘well played’ – things that might sound rather old-fashioned but might help with breaking the disappointment of losing.”
Mr Newton said losing was a vital “skill” for children to learn, adding: “You are going to be going for interviews and not be offered a job so you are going to have to learn to come second or lower than second.”
David Hanson, chief executive of IAPS, which represents around 600 children educating children aged up to 13, said a fear of failure could be “an inhibiting factor on performance”.
“You will have boys who will not try hard, won’t work because they may fail,” he said.
Mr Newton, head of Chafyn Grove Prep School, Salisbury, insisted there was “no shame in coming second”.
Speaking at the association’s annual conference in central London, he said: “Some children are very competitive and they struggle with the idea that they haven’t won.
“You will have some children who weep and wail very occasionally and gradually learn that it’s just part of the way life should be.”
He added: “We try to explain to our children that it’s how well they play the game, the effort they put it, the attitude towards wanting to win.
“It would be strange to start a sporting fixture trying not to win, but accepting defeat graciously is an important aspect for all prep school heads to engender in their schools.
“You show them the etiquette of cheering the other side, shaking hands and saying, ‘well played’ – things that might sound rather old-fashioned but might help with breaking the disappointment of losing.”
Mr Newton said losing was a vital “skill” for children to learn, adding: “You are going to be going for interviews and not be offered a job so you are going to have to learn to come second or lower than second.”
David Hanson, chief executive of IAPS, which represents around 600 children educating children aged up to 13, said a fear of failure could be “an inhibiting factor on performance”.
“You will have boys who will not try hard, won’t work because they may fail,” he said.
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